This little light of mine…………..
June 7, 2013
First,
I ask you to pray for God to open your heart, mind and soul so that you will
receive any and all blessings from my journey, that is my intention. I am not asking for sympathy or to be glorified
in any way but to God be all the glory.
So, let’s not focus on the gross details of the process I have been through, but focus on how
God has blessed me through it all…through each and every step!
First
& Foremost, I have always been hesitant about publicly using my life and
experiences to praise God because I felt in order for people to see Jesus in
me, I had to appear to be perfect! I sin
every single day;
I am common flesh and bone. I have
always felt that if people, especially the unsaved, watched me and compared
Christianity to how I lived my life that I would not be setting a good example,
so I kept my testimony to myself. But I
was wrong! Unsaved people need to see
that Christians are not perfect and we make mistakes every day; maybe this
would actually make it easier for them.
YES, we need to try to live for Jesus, but if we slip, through God’s mercy, we have been and can be forgiven for those sins. It is a daily struggle for us all!
My
journey…..
I
had this small mole appear on the right side of my nose over a year ago and
assumed it was just another freckle.
Over the last several months, it started to grow and raised up so that I
could feel it when touched. My daughter,
Melissa, and husband, Doug urged me to go to a dermatologist but as I have been told..I was hard
headed and didn’t. What caught my
attention was when this sweet inmate, Latasha, that cleans our building said
that she liked my “nose ring”. When she
said that I thought..geez.. people think I am a 50 year old Hoochie Mama with a
nose ring so I called immediately on March 19th, 2013 and made an
appointment with the dermatologist. God
used her! I told her that just because
she wore a green and white striped uniform that she should never doubt that God
could use her! If she had not said that,
I would not have called and made the appointment.
On
Wednesday April24th I went to see Dr. Beau Burrows. When he looked at the mole,
he said this was a common benign mole but he would remove it and as a
precaution would send it for biopsy. Not
in these exact words, but he said He would call if anything showed up from the
biopsy but that I probably wouldn’t hear from him.
So on Thursday, April 25th,
Melissa called from home and said that Dr Burrows had just called the house for
me and she told him to call my work, my eyebrows raised..hmm.. He called and was very surprised that my lab
results came back and the little mole was Melanoma (Cancer) and that he was
scheduling an appointment for me to see Dr. David Steckler, a plastic
surgeon. His nurse set up the
consultation appointment for Tuesday, April 30th. At first I panicked, but I thought to myself
“it’s such a little mole..it can’t be that bad”. So, I was definitely NOT prepared for what I
would find out at my consultation. Thank
goodness my Mom went with me because she knows how much like my Dad I am and
that I may not ask enough questions. Dr.
Steckler walked into the room, immediately looked at my face and said “and what a beautiful face”.. He looked
at the mole and started drawing on a piece of paper showing me the perimeter as
well as the depth of the area he would have to remove to be sure there were no
cancer cells left. This is the point I
started getting scared & frightened.
Then he looked at my forehead and measured my forehead and the length of
my nose and started explaining this
“forehead flap nose reconstruction” surgery.
You could tell at first he
thought I was a little prepared for what he was telling me but the look
of fear on my face didn’t lie! He got a
book and showed me the process and it was all I could do to stand there. He said he wanted to do the surgery as soon
as possible.. that Friday! I held it
together as Mom and I left but when I got back to work, I almost
hyperventilated and I broke down. I
called and talked with Dr Burrows again, just trying to grasp what was
happening. He apologized for not
preparing me, but here’s another one of God’s blessings.. IF I had known this when I talked to Dr
Burrows on the 25th, there would have been 7 days of panic instead
of 3. THANK you God! I immediately “put it out there” via emails
and facebook.. the way I see it, the more people that knew, the more prayers
that would be heading my way…and I needed a lot of them.
Yes,
this was a very graphic process but it could have been worse. I was border line..right under the radar of
having to have a sentinel lymph node dissection with biopsy during the
surgery. Melanoma can get into your
lymph nodes. This would have entailed inserting dye to light up
the lymph nodes in and around my face and neck, making and incision in front of
my ears and pulling the skin back to remove lymph nodes in my face and/or neck
for the biopsy. Facial paralysis was one
of the complications this surgery could have caused. So.. God blessed me once again. Then, at first, he was going to cut behind my
ear to get cartilage for my new nose but it turned out he could use cartilage
from the good side of my nose instead.. once again..God blessed me.
Each time I go for surgery or office visit, Dr
Steckler is so pleased with the progression and how everything is looking so I
can’t help but feel .. once again..blessed!
I can honestly say that from the very beginning, I
never ever asked God .. WHY? As I have
always heard, God never gives you more than you can handle. I know when you read the next part of this,
you may question my beliefs, but it is what got me through all of this, so
therefore I know without a doubt this was God’s way of helping me cope.
My
DAD! My greatest earthly inspiration
My Dad was diagnosed with lymphoma in December of
2004…he went through chemo, had a bone marrow transplant in 2006, went into
remission and the cancer returned in the later part of 2012. During all of this time, he has not been a
text book case. It seems he has had more
problems with other areas caused by the cancer than the cancer itself. It has been so hard to watch my big strong
Dad become so weak. There are so many
things he longs to do…hunt, be outside and work in his massive garden. He has been a rock during these years but
every time he gets sick, my heart just aches.
Last year I prayed to God that he would give ME something and let him
rest; give me at least ONE illness that
was meant for my Dad so he could become stronger. I am unsure if God actually answers prayers
like that and you can believe what you want, but I feel he did answer it to
help me. At least in my mind, I made a
sacrifice and if it bought my Dad ONE more year, ONE more month, ONE more day,
ONE more hour, it is worth it all!
That’s what has gotten me through all of this, the hope that I
encountered something that was meant for him!
So, I guess in a way even if God didn’t actually answer that specific
prayer, he has allowed me the peace of at least thinking that is why this
happened which has allowed me to be stronger.
When Dad found out, here’s what he told me “If I
could take your place and have it happen to me instead, I would”! CHILL BUMP MOMENT! He had no idea what MY prayer was. Then he gave me great inspirational words as
he always does.. He said “It’s all about your attitude, the better your
attitude, the faster you will heal”, and he was right.
I don’t know
what I would have done without all of the support and PRAYERS! It meant so much to me when some of my
dearest friends laid hands on me the night before my surgery! What a calming experience, I felt so close to
God that I just knew everything was going to be OK.
The night
before my surgery, I slept and rested pretty good until I woke up at 4:30 out
of anxiety and I prayed to God to release all of the payers to me so that I
could feel each and every one of them.. one by one at a time. Every second that clicked by, I felt calming
peace..second by second. I said THANK
YOU GOD and got up and got ready to go to the hospital. I know without a doubt I would have been much
more scared and anxious without all of the prayers that he sent down to me…prayers
that were prayed just for me by my precious friends.
PRAISE GOD,
when the results came back from the lab, Dr Steckler was able to remove all of
the cancer. The rest, the cosmetic part
is “fixable”.
AS I
commented at the beginning, this isn’t about ME! I promised God that if he would just carry me
through all of this, that I would give him all of the Praise and Glory! It’s amazing the things God uses and the ways
he can send us signs, messages and thoughts.
The morning after I found out about the extent of my surgery, I went
into our spare bedroom to iron my clothes for work and sitting upright on a
dresser right in my view as I ironed was this ceramic cross sitting in the
stand, the cross had these little sparrows and this saying “I know he watches
every nest”. That helped me through the
day! I had never seen that cross
before. It turned out to be Melissa’s
and as she was cleaning out some of her stuff she found it. Just by chance? I don’t think so. Don’t ever take anything for granted. He knows what we need and when we need it so
accept these unexplained moments as blessings.
Remember the
words to the song.. “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine” This song came to me during dreams I am
having (which I know are thoughts sent to me from Jesus) as I was trying to
think how, other than verbally telling people, I could use my journey to sing
his praises. USE your life, your
stories, your thoughts to inspire other people to go to GOD. Your little light may be all someone needs to
make it through a valley in their life.
Don’t take anything or anyone for granted! Let bygones be bygones..”water under the
bridge”.. if you have grudges, complications or unsettled things with family or
friends…get it straight! It’s too hard
to focus on Jesus and how he wants us to live if we can’t let things go. I have taken the opportunity to do that
during this and have been so blessed from people I had written out of my
life.
As of today, June 7, 2013 I still have
the flap/inset which will be removed next Friday the 14th..
HALLELUJAH!
Then I should have one more minor
surgery to trim it down again. Day by
Day, prayer by prayer.. that’s how I roll.
Matthew 17:20
Continue to pray for me and Dr Steckler that
God will guide his skillful hands, I still have a long road to go buty the
worse is behind me. I am sure this will
be a financial struggle as well as emotional.. BUT I know who holds my future
and that HE will take care of all of it!
I feel the need to show you pictures, I
can just now look at some of them myself. These are
not pleasant pictures to view, I just want to prepare you. But it’s important to see what God carried me
through, it shows that nothing is too big for him. I'll start at the beginning and go through the process (through 5th week).
GOD BLESS you all and I love each of you dearly!
Laura Lee May
112 Ellis Dear Rd
Harrisville, MS 39082
601-845-5257, 601-668-9449
lalamulmay@aol.com
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The process.... remove the side of my nose, make the new side of my nose from my forehead by cutting the amount needed, bringing it down, folding and attaching it. The inset (bridge looking part) has the nerves and blood vessel inside a flesh tube looking bridge to give life to the new part of my nose. A graft was taken from my leg to encase the back part of the inset. The part of my forehead that was taken, was down to the skull and is too wide to close up so it is left open. The nerves are still alive in my forehead/scalp area so when I touch the new nose, I can feel it on the top part of my head..FREAKY.. I still haven't gotten used to it. Of course, going into my scalp area means that hair grows on the end of the new nose so I have to trim them. Later I will have laser hair removal.
3 weeks after the original surgery, I had a surgical procedure where he made an incision and de-fatted the new side.
The 3rd surgery (June 14th) will be to remove the inset and I will have another de-fatting surgery later.
BTW.. Blog post are NOT easy, I tried to put these pictures in order and comment but after almost losing my religion I gave up. They should be in close order. I am going to get surgery pictures from Dr Steckler and post those later, I still don't think I am ready to look at those. The very last pictures were taken June 10th.
WARNING...GRAPHIC PICTURES
112 Ellis Dear Rd
Harrisville, MS 39082
601-845-5257, 601-668-9449
lalamulmay
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The process.... remove the side of my nose, make the new side of my nose from my forehead by cutting the amount needed, bringing it down, folding and attaching it. The inset (bridge looking part) has the nerves and blood vessel inside a flesh tube looking bridge to give life to the new part of my nose. A graft was taken from my leg to encase the back part of the inset. The part of my forehead that was taken, was down to the skull and is too wide to close up so it is left open. The nerves are still alive in my forehead/scalp area so when I touch the new nose, I can feel it on the top part of my head..FREAKY.. I still haven't gotten used to it. Of course, going into my scalp area means that hair grows on the end of the new nose so I have to trim them. Later I will have laser hair removal.
3 weeks after the original surgery, I had a surgical procedure where he made an incision and de-fatted the new side.
The 3rd surgery (June 14th) will be to remove the inset and I will have another de-fatting surgery later.
BTW.. Blog post are NOT easy, I tried to put these pictures in order and comment but after almost losing my religion I gave up. They should be in close order. I am going to get surgery pictures from Dr Steckler and post those later, I still don't think I am ready to look at those. The very last pictures were taken June 10th.
WARNING...GRAPHIC PICTURES
